Dennis Prager's Meltdown Over Keith Ellison

Oh no, not you again. What is it about people going about their daily business that upsets Dennis Prager so much? Oh, right, I remember: he's a fundie, and fundies don't like it when other people do things that disagree with them.

Case in point, Prager's red-faced, smoke-eared diatribe over Congressman-elect Keith Ellison's statement that he will not swear an oath on the Bible, but rather on the Qur'an, the Islamic holy book. Apparently Prager has problems--heh, okay, we know that already--he has a specific problem with Muslims not doing everything Christians do. Hey, Denny...did it ever occur to you that it's because they're Muslims? Genius.

Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Quran.

He should not be allowed to do so – not because of any American hostility to the Quran, but because the act undermines American civilization.

It "undermines American civilization?" Apparently "American civilization" is founded on a bedrock of Christian bigotry. Funny, I thought in this country, we had freedom of religion. Good thing Dennis Prager is around to set us straight on that.

First, it is an act of hubris that perfectly exemplifies multiculturalist activism – my culture trumps America's culture.

Again, America's "culture" is based on freedom of religion. Ellison is not telling anyone that their culture, beliefs, or religion is wrong, he's exercising his right to maintain and practice his. That's it, and Dennis's lunatic, fundie attempts to spin this into something else just makes him look like an idiot. But please, Dennis, keep talking, you're just digging yourself deeper.

What Ellison and his Muslim and leftist supporters are saying is that it is of no consequence what America holds as its holiest book; all that matters is what any individual holds to be his holiest book.

I told you! Fun with Fundie Frases, remember? The fundies love to tell us what other people, some they've never met, are "saying."

Actually, I do agree with part of this. All that DOES matter is what any individual holds to be his holiest book. But I've never heard of America holding some kind of vote on what it thinks should be its holiest book, because, hmm...oh yeah, that would be UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!

Forgive me, but America should not give a hoot what Keith Ellison's favorite book is.

Then why are you making such a big deal of it? In fact, you're the only one I hear complaining!

Insofar as a member of Congress taking an oath to serve America and uphold its values is concerned, America is interested in only one book, the Bible. If you are incapable of taking an oath on that book, don't serve in Congress.

Uh, yeah. Actually, that's a complete and total lie, Dennis. Do you need to spend some more time in high school civics class? You seem to have failed the first time around.

In your personal life, we will fight for your right to prefer any other book. We will even fight for your right to publish cartoons mocking our Bible.

Bullshit. I've never seen a fundie lift a single finger to help someone who wants to make fun of the Bible. I do, however, hear them often try to get people silenced. But as soon as you need a temporary red herring, out comes the First Amendment!

But, Mr. Ellison, America, not you, decides on what book its public servants take their oath.

Oh yeah? Since when? And what do you think would happen if we put it to a vote?

Devotees of multiculturalism and political correctness who do not see how damaging to the fabric of American civilization it is to allow Ellison to choose his own book need only imagine a racist elected to Congress. Would they allow him to choose Hitler's "Mein Kampf," the Nazis' bible, for his oath? And if not, why not?

Probably. I would. Of course, you're confusing racists with Nazis, which are not necessarily the same thing, but then, fundies never were known for their ability to see in shades of gray.

So let's pretend you didn't get it wrong, and you said Nazis. The second problem is, when the hell do Americans ever elect Nazis? Especially atheist Nazis, who don't believe in the Bible, and would rather swear on Mein Kampf?

Of course, for the sake of argument, let me put all that aside and assume we did elect an atheistic Nazi who wanted to swear on Hitler's memoirs. As far as I'm concerned, fine, go ahead. Let him. How does it affect me? Christians can still swear on the Bible, Muslims can still swear on the Qur'an, and I'll swear on the Constitution, or the Declaration of Independence. Or possibly Old Yeller. I like that book.

On what grounds will those defending Ellison's right to choose his favorite book deny that same right to a racist who is elected to public office?

I don't know, asshole, you tell me. You're the one going around making decisions for people as to what they can and can't swear on.

Of course, Ellison's defenders argue that Ellison is merely being honest; since he believes in the Quran and not in the Bible, he should be allowed, even encouraged, to put his hand on the book he believes in. But for all of American history, Jews elected to public office have taken their oath on the Bible, even though they do not believe in the New Testament...

Good point. Maybe we should have half Bibles so that Jews and Christians can swear on the one they prefer. Of course, you may note that Jews and Christians both follow the Bible, so whichever their religion is, it's in there. Muslims don't have that luxury.

...and the many secular elected officials have not believed in the Old Testament either. Yet those secular officials did not demand to take their oaths of office on, say, the collected works of Voltaire or on a volume of New York Times editorials, writings far more significant to some liberal members of Congress than the Bible. Nor has one Mormon official demanded to put his hand on the Book of Mormon.

Blah, blah, blah, more useless, nonsensical red herrings. Have any of those people you accuse of being "secular" actually been "secular?" As in, were they atheists, who had not only no appreciation for the Bible, but also the cojones to try and rock the boat? And even if that were the case, what does it matter? Keith Ellison doesn't want to, and everything that other people have done in the past has absolutely no bearing on what he should be allowed to do now. Or should we add "Appeal to Tradition" to the list of offenses to logic that Dennis has committed? (It's also worth noting that Mormons consider themselves Christians, so they can swear on the Bible too--with or without Dennis Prager's permission.)

And it is hard to imagine a scientologist being allowed to take his oath of office on a copy of "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard.

Well, it's pretty hard to imagine a Scientologist getting elected to anything, considering their inexplicable obsession with massacring their own reputation. But if one were to get elected, why shouldn't he swear on Dianetics? (Another of Dennis's American values is apparently poor grammar--book titles are italicized or underlined.)

And how come his argument is basically that he finds it "hard to imagine?" Tell me, Dennis, do you base all your theories on what's hard for you to imagine, or do you accidentally let some facts slip in once in a while?

So why are we allowing Keith Ellison to do what no other member of Congress has ever done – choose his own most revered book for his oath?

Because there's no reason not to?

The answer is obvious – Ellison is a Muslim. And whoever decides these matters, not to mention virtually every editorial page in America, is not going to offend a Muslim. In fact, many of these people argue it will be a good thing because Muslims around the world will see what an open society America is and how much Americans honor Muslims and the Quran.

Luckily, we have Dennis Prager to show them that we don't.

This argument appeals to all those who believe that one of the greatest goals of America is to be loved by the world, and especially by Muslims because then fewer Muslims will hate us (and therefore fewer will bomb us).

Silly me, I thought inciting the ire of the Muslim world and making them want to bomb us was a bad idea.

But these naive people do not appreciate that America will not change the attitude of a single American-hating Muslim by allowing Ellison to substitute the Quran for the Bible.

No, probably not, considering that it's such an insignificant non-issue that they probably won't even notice! But forcing him to take the oath on the Bible probably WILL piss them off.

In fact, the opposite is more likely: Ellison's [swearing on the Qur'an] so will embolden Islamic extremists and make new ones, as Islamists, rightly or wrongly, see the first sign of the realization of their greatest goal – the Islamicization of America.

Oh, I get it now! It's a giant Islamic conspiracy! Shhh! Don't tell anyone, or you might get pegged by the vast Muslim conspiracy! The only man brave enough to come forward on this covert operation is Dennis Prager! Except it's too bad that he has absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support his lunatic theories! (And this is the guy who's making fun of L. Ron Hubbard?)

Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth...

Hello, Dennis? You don't suppose the Muslims hate us because we keep calling them "The Axis of Evil," starting civil wars in their homelands, and telling them how to run their own countries, do you?

When all elected officials take their oaths of office with their hands on the very same book, they all affirm that some unifying value system underlies American civilization.

Yeah, Christianity and Judaism. So you want to a Muslim to affirm Judeo-Christian values that he doesn't agree with, Dennis? I have a better "unifying value system:" How about a system that says "Everyone is welcome to worship as they please?" Did that ever occur to you?

If Keith Ellison is allowed to change that, he will be doing more damage to the unity of America and to the value system that has formed this country than the terrorists of 9-11. It is hard to believe that this is the legacy most Muslim Americans want to bequeath to America. But if it is, it is not only Europe that is in trouble.

Hey, look, fundie nutjob? The only one I hear undermining American values is you. You're the one telling people who they can worship, you're the one telling people that they have to swear on your holy book.

It sounds like you're worried about Europe America because they have the temerity to let minorities live their lives in peace. Dennis, how dare you complain about Islamic conspiracy theories? The only one trying to create a theocracy is you and the rest of your fundie patrol.