Focus on the Fundie: We Don't Like Gay Spring Break So You Should Cancel It

Well, it sure is a good thing the gay community has Focus on the Family to babysit them. Otherwise, what would they do? There'd be beer, sex, dancing, and somebody, somewhere might be caught having fun!

In Key West, FL, this March, there's going to be a new attraction: Gay Spring Break. The city is launching its first-ever gay-themed spring break celebration for college students. As you can imagine, the fundies are up in arms over this, because partying, college, and gays are all things they hate, and when you combine them together, why, lawdy lawdy lawdy, it's just a big giant hedonist sandwich! Or, considering the way they feel about the French, maybe it's a hedonist croissant.

Anyway, the article is called "Gay Spring Break Heats up Key West," and was vomited up by Kim Trobee.

The Key West Business Guild says it’s taking spring break to a “whole new level.” The goal is to attract college students who are looking to “enjoy nightlife, fun people and all the things Key West has to offer.” Dr. Joe Nicolosi with the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality says that’s true, if they mean sinking to a new low.

Mmm, no Joey, I don't think that's what they mean, but since you belong to the "National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality!!" I guess you feel you get to speak for the gay community. Tell me, do lots of gays appreciate your organization? It sounds really official. "National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality!!" All science-y! I bet you're a very important group of fundies, all walking around with your white lab coats and clipboards...

“My first thought is, ‘Just another gay party. It’s a very, very decadent; it’s a very decadent scene.”

Rain Man voice: "Ith decadent. Very decadent. Very, very decadent. Def'nally. Def'nally decadent. Very decadent. Def'nally."

Along with drag shows, beach parties and contests, the plan is to hold ‘networking and leadership development activities’ for homosexual collegians. Nicolosi’s not buying it.

Good. Then he can go someplace else and not worry about it.

“It looks like it’s an important meeting, it’s an important occasion, but really it’s an opportunity for cruising.”

"Very. Very import'nt. Very very import'nt."

Hey, Jo-Jo, did you ever think that maybe something can be fun and productive at the same time? No, of course not, these are gay people. They don't do important work, they just like to carouse and have lots of hedonistic sex, right Dr. Joe? And I'm sure you would know. After all, you work for the "National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality!!"

The Key West Business Guild claims it’s not just for students, adult gays are welcome as well. Translated, that means a neon invitation for sexual predators.

And then translated back, that means adult gays are welcome as well. My God, Joe, your hubris knows absolutely no bounds, does it? Did it ever occur to you that you might actually NOT know everything? And did it ever occur to you that gay people might do something without some sinister, ulterior motive? But you don't need evidence, do ya Joe? You just know. Cuz you're from the "National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality!!"

Oh yeah, and since when is inviting adults "invitation for sexual predators?" First you complain that it's full of hedonism and filth, now you complain that they're bringing adults in, which, in theory, would lead to a more toned-down experience. Oh, wait, I forgot. They're gay adults, so they probably just want to molest children. And you know why Joe knows that.

One thing Joe apparently doesn't know is that college students are almost exclusively 18 or over, and that pedophlies aren't usually interested in people they can fuck legally. Nor do I really care if pedophiles, or anyone else, is trawling for consenting-age adults!

“It means that every predator who can afford an airfare and has nothing else to do that weekend is going to fly down and start cruising these young kids.

Oh noes!!!!11 Not our children! Our poor, sweet, doe-eyed little children! Whatever will they do when a big nasty gay man wants to come around and violate their innocence?Whew! I sure am glad there are no gays around to corrupt this Pollyanna tea-time!

Scott Davis, Director of student ministries with Exodus International, worries most about college students who are questioning their sexuality.

Well, Scotty, your concern is touching. But I somehow doubt you care as much about college students as you'd like us to think.

“It’s going to be a very confusing situation for them. They’re going to be looking for a life that’s meaningful and satisfying and instead they’re going to really find the hedonism and senseless sexuality that Key West is so famous for.”

Yeah, you kids should just go hang out with guys like Scott who will solve your sexual confusion by telling you what your orientation is.

But Scott's right, of course. I'm sure the students who go to Gay Spring Break will probably take one look at all the beer, sex, and loud music and board the next plane home, where they will promptly read their Bibles. Whew! That was a close one!

Missing from Gay Spring Break is the emotional pain and physical disease that often remain once the party is over.

Oh yeah? Well, I didn't go on too many crazy, wild trips in college, but I know people who did. Strangely enough, they actually enjoyed their trips! Please, fundies, don't try to force your self-loathing on other people. You may be depressed and angry all the time, but that's really not my problem, is it?