Barbiedoll Likes Bursting Bubbles

Last Friday was the National Day of Silence. This is a project of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), in which participants relinquish their right to speak for a day. It symbolizes the silencing that gay and transgender students experience every day in schools as a result of homophobia. It's a protest whose purpose is to draw attention to the bullying and abuse suffered by gays and transgendered people.

Naturally, the fundies oppose it. They hate it when people try to stop them from bullying gays. Fundies rather enjoy bullying, and will ardently defend their right to bully anyone (as long as it's not white, straight, Christians, at which point you can hear them cry "persecution" from a mile away).

Here, once again, is J. Matt Barber, at Concerned Women for America.

On April 25, adult homosexual activists with the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) held their annual “Day of Silence” (DOS) propaganda push. During DOS, teachers and students in roughly three thousand middle schools, high schools and colleges across the country are cynically used as culture war pawns...

Whoa, hold the phone, there, skippy. What's this about using teachers and students as "pawns?" Did it ever occur to you that the participants might have minds of their own, and are participating in the DOS voluntarily? Or do you believe that only people you agree with could be thinking for themselves?

...in an effort to legitimize conventionally immoral, objectively deviant and demonstrably high-risk sexual behaviors.

Who gets to decide what's deviant and immoral, Matt? You?

And "high-risk sexual behaviors," huh? I suppose you can't be gay and not have sex. Or is it that being gay and celibate will keep you from being beaten up? No matter, I don't see a citation there so I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're full of shit, as usual.

Kids and teachers are encouraged on DOS to disrupt the school day by refusing to speak in class as a show of support to students who self-identify as “GLBT”

It disrupts the school day? To not speak? Sure, Matt. Whatever.

(No, GLBT has nothing to do with bacon, lettuce and tomato; it’s liberalese for “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender”).

And thank you for educating us on that topic, with your smartass remark. I'm sure GLBT people everywhere love being compared to lunchmeat.

DOS purports to confront the alleged systematic harassment and bullying of sexually confused students who consider themselves “GLBT.” Naturally, where there is actual bullying, anywhere, anytime, for any reason, those responsible should be firmly disciplined.

Oh, look, we finally agree on something. Bullying should be punished, especially the kind that's backed up by an establishment of adults, who encourage it. Of course, I can't think of any other object of juvenile ridicule that the little brats' PARENTS want bullied also. As soon as you show me one, we can have a discussion.

However, the reality is that DOS has very little to do with “bullying” and has everything to do with pro-homosexual, anti-Christian indoctrination.

Hrm, let's check the DOS website again. Nope! Nothing up there about "indoctrination." But I guess your Big Crystal Ball o' Jesus tells you otherwise, huh Matt? (On the other hand, I do find it hilarious that you think schoolkids can somehow "indoctrinate" each other--right after you called them "pawns, no less!")

Consider that during DOS, many kids who hold time-honored traditional values relative to sexual morality (i.e., that human sexuality is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife within the bonds of marriage) are frequently and ironically tagged as “hateful,” “bigoted” and “homophobic.”

Uh, well, no, genius, if you're participating in the Day of Silence, you're not going to be making fun of anyone because you're not speaking. Note the word "silence" in "Day of Silence."

Of course, if it's some other day, and you're going around preachin' the Jeebus to people who don't want to hear it, well, what do you expect them to say? Should liberal kids just fall to their knees and renounce their belief systems, or are they allowed to have opinions too?

(Who’s doing the bullying?)

You. Aren't you listening?

But this year, something extraordinary happened on the way to the brainwashing. Kids at schools all over the country stood tall and said, “Enough is enough!” Untold thousands of students participated in a peaceful, pro-family counter effort called the “Day of Silence Walkout.”

Yeah, that'll teach those libruls to disrupt the school day.

In unyielding defense of God’s design for natural human sexuality, marriage and family, these gutsy kids stayed home from school on DOS (with their parents’ permission) and let school officials know why. Some of them even participated in peaceful prayer rallies outside school in support of sexual morality and purity.

That's nice. That way the normal kids had more space to play hackey sack and skateboard inside.

(Notice, I didn't say that we should try to pass some kind of law to prevent them from doing so. I believe in freedom of religion, even if I think some people exercise it like idiots. Can Barber say the same thing?)

The DOS Walkout was an overwhelming success and far exceeded the expectations of the dozens of participating pro-family organizations, such as Concerned Women for America (CWA).

Take the Seattle area’s Mount Si High School for instance. Out of 1,410 students, nearly half (638) reportedly walked out of school on DOS with a unified voice saying, “No! We’re here to learn."

Apparently not, if you just walked out of school.

And yeah, I'm sure all 638 of those students skipped because they were terrified of the Evil Homosexual Agenda, and not because they wanted a three-day weekend.

"We refuse to be subject to radical homosexual indoctrination at school or anywhere else!”

Yeah, you gotta watch out for that "radical homosexual indoctrination" from people who aren't speaking.

Wait, hang on, before I move on...does Barbiedoll really expect us to believe that protesting against bullying is "homosexual indoctrination?" Does this apply to protesting his Christian persecution, or is it somehow different and okay when Christians are the victims? Maybe he should stop begging for sympathy, lest someone start to worry about him pushing "radical fundie indoctrination."

The Rev. Ken Hutcherson, a former pro-football player, current pro-family champion and pastor of Antioch Bible Church, led the charge in defense of God’s moral standard at Mount Si. He organized a prayer rally outside the school – which his daughter attends – and was joined by hundreds of parents, children and community members.

Hey, wait a second now. All this time, we've been thumping up the kids and their ability to rally together, find solidarity, speak with one voice, etc., and now you're telling me it wasn't them? You mean, this "extraordinary" event was organized, not by the kids themselves, but by Rev. Samuel L. Jackson over there? And considering his daughter goes there, it's not like he's doing this just for the sake of doing it--he has a personal stake in the matter! Tell me again who's using pawns?

By the way: Isn't football a "risky behavior?" I'm just sayin...

This year’s DOS Walkout was an amazing triumph for righteousness and is terrific news indeed. But better news is yet to come. God has a wonderful way of taking that which is intended for evil – such as the upside-down promotion of sexual sin through DOS – and turning it right-side up for good.

You heard him, kids! Turn that frown, upside-down!!! Let's all sing the Happy Song!

Christians, and others who value light over darkness, are often deeply discouraged to watch, with a feeling of helplessness, as moral gangrene sets in to our nation’s cultural fabric. We’re overwhelmed as standards of decency and morality seem to rot away around us.

Aww, poor fundies. What's the matter, the world moved on and pass you right by? Can't force everybody to behave the way you want them to anymore? What a pity.

Well, take heart. With kids like those at Mount Si High School – and elsewhere around the country – taking such a bold stand for truth, we should all be encouraged. The next generation of leaders is clearly not as completely lost as many believe. We’re witnessing a shift in the tide, and I submit that this great nation is ripe for redemption.

Over the next few years, don’t be surprised when, as people hear mention of the so-called “Day of Silence,” they immediately think, “Oh, yeah, isn’t that the day when tens of thousands of freethinking kids come together in defense of that which is good, and stand firm against the promotion of evil?”

Yes, they will; you're absolutely right. Lots of freethinking kids DID take a bold stand for truth. They came together in defense of that which is good, and they stood against the promotion of evil.

Too bad none of those hateful bigots who stayed home could see them.

Don’t be surprised when the “Day of Silence” is no longer considered a day which mocks God’s standard of sexual morality, but rather, is deemed a day which wholeheartedly glorifies it.

It will be, as soon as people like you shut up and stop acting like you're God's mouthpiece.

Yes, take heart. God’s truth will fill the silent void. His children will take back America for Christ.

That sounds like a threat, to me. Anyone else? I'm sure Jesus would be thrilled.

Purity Sucks Balls. I Mean, Purity Balls Suck. I Mean, Whatever

Behold, in 6 minutes and 23 seconds, almost everything that's wrong with the Religious Right. Nonsense rules, stifling freedom, sexism, outdated morality, political ideology, and even a little bad science thrown in.

Seen it? Okay, disgust. I mean, discuss.

57 Stupid Reasons to Homeschool

I'm not down on homeschooling. I promise. I think in a lot of cases, it can be a workable solution for parents who, for whatever reason, don't want to send their kids to public school.

Now, that's not to say it's without problems, either. The biggest one, obviously, is socialization. Yes, I know homeschoolers have friends. Yes, I know there are activities they can join, but playing with other kids on weekends doesn't begin to match the same kind of cooperation learned by being around them in a structured environment 5 days a week.

Second is the rationale behind it. I knew some homeschoolers when I was in high school, and they were reasonably normal, well-adjusted kids. it never dawned on me that such a huge impetus for the movement came from fundies, desperately trying to shield their kids from any little fact of life they disagreed with. There's a right way and a wrong way to do homeschooling, and if your goal is to raise little pod people--well, there's no nice way to put this--you're a dumbass.

First of all, you can't. Yes, that's right, I said it. You're going to fail. You cannot force a human being to become the person you want him or her to be. No matter how hard you try, your children will rebel. Sorry, get over it.

Second, you shouldn't. People have the right to learn, grow, and become their own person, no matter young they are. Parents' job is to guide children into adulthood, not train them like Golden Retrievers. Contrary to popular fundie belief, your kids aren't your slaves.

Finally, are parents qualified to teach every subject? (Or any subject, for that matter!)

You want some more good reasons for homeschooling? You won't find them here. Joel Turtel from Capitol Hill Coffee House lays out his 57 point, fundielicious homeschooling agenda, originally written by "Laura B." Herre's Joel (and presumably Laura)'s overarching reason:

Public schools can destroy your children’s self-esteem, destroy their ability to read, strangle their love of learning, put them in physical and moral danger, and wreck their future.

Uh, yeah, I'm gonna need a cite for that. "Put them in physical and mortal danger?" Is he serious? Anyway, here's a sampling of the points to this crazy agenda. (Again, not all the reasons on this list are bad, but some are truly warped. Those are the ones I've gone into here).

1. Be with your family

Meaning that if you don't homeschool, you can't be with your family.

2. Set your own schedule that’s convenient for you and your kids

3. Vacation when you want

Okay, those aren't "reasons to homeschool" so much as they are things you can do if you're already lucky enough to HAVE a schedule that permits homeschooling. Nice try, though.

5. Be totally aware of the state and progress of your child’s education

Now that sounds innocuous enough. And it truly may be, but I still get this feeling like it's included here because Laura and Joel want to watch their kids like hawks, so they never have to worry about learning things their parents don't want them to. Again: STIFLING.

6. Keep your child away from unnecessary peer pressure

Thus leaving them totally unequipped to handle it when they will inevitably have to. The only difference is, with homeschooled kids, their first experience will be when they're teenagers, and away from supervision, unlike their peers who learned how to deal with peer pressure safely back in elementary school.

7. Keep your child away from the bad influence of other children

This is pretty much the exact same thing as 6, only more ominous. This one sounds creepily like the suggestion that anyone who teaches their kids anything is immediately trying to hurt them.

8. Love, nurture, and teach your child the character and morals you value most

Yup, make sure your kids are indoctrinated nice and young!

9. Make learning fun

As if that were possible! And don't you think teachers try to do this as much as they can?

10. Make learning as “experiential” as you want

You mean like performing science experiments in a lab? Which, unfortunately, most houses don't have, but public schools do?

13. Teach your child without any “assumed limitations.” Teach multiple languages, develop one skill or subject—the sky’s the limit

What "assumed limitations?" My schools had all kinds of extracurriculars and gifted and talented programs that kids could participate in. From first through third grade, there were three different levels of reading group.

Honestly, fundies. Why don't you do some research before you start accusing people of things?

14. What you teach an older child naturally filters down to the younger child(ren) making learning much easier and faster for siblings

Yeah, that'd never happen if they both went to school.

16. Avoid educational “labeling”

Does this mean, if your kid has ADD, you can happily pretend that he doesn't? It's fun what you can do when there are none of those pesky "experts" around to tell you things you'd rather not hear!

17. Keep your child as far away from drugs as possible

Yeah, once again, until you can't. (And now can we stop pretending there are 57 different reasons on this list, when there clearly aren't?)

18. Never have to worry about bomb scares or mass shootings

Okay, yes, that's fine. It's great when you don't have to worry about these things, but considering how incredibly minuscule the chances of this happening are, it's hardly worth spending any time on. Further, this is another extension of my earlier point that you simply CANNOT shield your kid from every conceivable ill. You want to keep them home? Fine, but remember that 52% of car accidents happen within 5 miles of home, so don't drive them anywhere. (Ever.) Not to mention accidental electric shocks, poisonings, or molestation by a trusted adult. So don't let them near any adults. Even near their own parents (you). Yes, YOU could be a pederast!

19. Allow your child to do, think, discuss, and explore in ways not possible in a rigid classroom setting

Yeah? then why do so many pro-homeschooling fundies want to quash this so badly?

20. Constant positive reinforcement and gentle correction. No abusive words or actions that scar your child’s psyche

Bullshit. Teachers spend years learning corrective discipline techniques. A good teacher can easily be better at positive reinforcement than most parents.

21. Don’t use the school system as a babysitter. Most parents only need three to five hours a day for homeschooling their kids—the rest of the day is often filled with unnecessary “busy work”

Cite, please. (By the way...how much more than 5 hours do kids spend in school anyway? Factoring out recess and lunch, isn't the school day about 5 1/2 hours anyway?)

22. Develop your child’s life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and organizing that are easily learned with the additional time spent at home

Ah, I see. We won't waste no time with all that book-learnin'! We's got to teach our kids how to be house slaves!

24. Teach the value of responsibility by providing daily jobs for your kids

Yeah, going to school doesn't teach any responsibility at all.

25. To make money management as natural as breathing by allowing even small children to do tasks, earn money, save it, and spend it in an appropriate manner.

Yet again: going to school does not preclude this. Any parent can do this at home; sending kids to school doesn't mean you can't teach them about money.

26. Never have your child beat up by a bully. Teach self-defense skills that will enable him to deal with any situation, but not until he is mature enough to handle the emotional aspects of confrontation

What confrontations? You're keeping him chained up in the basement, remember? He'll never have to deal with being beaten up!

(Oh yeah, and what about girls? Don't they need to learn self-defense also?)

27. No pressure or set “expectations” from teachers on a younger sibling that follows an older sibling in the same school

No, just from their own parents. That's much healthier.

31. Pass on your religious beliefs and morals to your children and stay away from the “indoctrination” of other school systems

Yeah, you show them who's allowed to indoctrinate your children.

32. Teach sex education when and how you want

You're gonna teach your kids how you want it!?!? That's it! No more homeschooling for Joel and Laura! I'm calling CPS on you two sick fucks!

33. Develop your child’s imagination and teach diverse problem-solving skills, instead of one institutionalized method of thinking

Have you two idiots ever actually been in a public school?

34. Unlimited possibilities for extra curricular activities that interest your child.

Woo-ee! That sounds like a lot of fun! All kinds of clubs and activities that give you the opportunity to hang out with the same three people! Your parents and your little brother!

37. Avoid traditional school “group activities” that may leave one student doing all the work or ruining it for everyone else

You know, the point of group projects is so that kids who don't have cooperative skills can learn them. All this would do is make sure the kids never learn.

38. Never have your child feel the failure, embarrassment, or teasing from “failing” a grade

Here we go, yet again. I don't want my kids to experience failure (even though it's a part of life), so I'm going to keep them in a happy little bubble so they can grow up thinking they're perfect and never have to face harsh reality.

And since when did the fundies switch sides? Didn't they used to bitch and moan all the time that liberals were making kids weak by never letting them fail?

39. To keep your children out of the care, custody, and control of people you don’t know who naturally teach their (sometimes warped) values to your children, whether they realize it or not

Which is why Joel and Laura will never teach my kids.

40. No opportunity for your child to “just get by” with academics

Wait, wha? Didn't you just say in #38 that...I'm so confused...

42. Allow your child to have input and say in subject matter and learning style, so learning will be exciting and an adventure, rather than the boring drudge it is in most public schools

43. Allow your child to focus on growth and development—not following the latest fad or being in a certain group

Been over these already...

44. So your child will only be surrounded by people who love him, encourage him, and want the best for him.

Been over that one too, as we "flip back" to the left side for some reason.

45. To make sure your child doesn’t end up graduating without knowing how to read or knowing other basic skills, due to educational failings of your local schools.

I went to public school and I can read just fine, you arrogant prick.

46. Keep your child out of private schools that have peer pressure, teacher criticism, drugs, sex, and alcohol that your child never needs to be around

Isn't this basically the same thing we've already been over, except now it says "private schools?" Also gonna skip 47, because we've been there, too...

48. Not to give local, state, or the federal government control of your child’s mind and future, that they arrogantly assume is theirs

Do you want some tinfoil for a new hat?

49. To easily pass on your unique heritage or language to your child

Now, at first, this actually sounds somewhat reasonable (as long as you discount the fact that you can do this whether the kid's in school or not). Passing on your heritage is important, especially if you're a minority. That was my thought at first.

And then I started to consider the source. These jackasses don't care about minorities! Knowing what I know, this comment is probably a veiled swipe from the usual racist ideology; the one that thinks Spanish is invading our pure, white, English-speaking nation through schools.

If that's the case, 49 deserves a hearty "Fuck you!"

52. To allow your children to go to work with Mom or Dad when you all want to—not just on the one “go to work with a parent holiday”

Yeah, I'm sure your coworkers will love that.

56. Teach your kids to read quickly with phonics. Not having your child waste 12 years with idiotic “whole-language” reading methods that public schools use, which can wreck your child’s ability to read.

This is basically #45, only angry. There are many different public schools, genius. Some are better at teaching than others. And just because Laura is a homeschooling mom, that doesn't make her smarter, or better informed about the latest developmental psychology than the APA and the educational establishment.

This is basically saying, "It sounds weird and I don't like it, therefore it doesn't work."

Parents, if you are disgusted with public schools and want your children to have the great education they deserve, why not consider homeschooling?

Because all your reasons are full of holes, lies, and deception?

Millions of parents now homeschool their kids, and many of these parents are only high-school graduates.

With six teeth, Bud Lite caps, and squirrel heads mounted on the wall.

In the last three chapters of “Public Schools, Public Menace,” you’ll find many ways to homeschool your kids or use internet private schools, even if you work.

...

Joel Turtel is an education policy analyst and syndicated columnist. He is also the author of “Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children”

For some reason, I detect a slight conflict of interest here.

You know, Joel...Laura...if you want people to take you seriously, maybe you should sit down and create, you know, an actual list of reasons? One that's not artificially inflated with thirty or so repeats, and is actually backed up by some research? That always works a whole lot better than "I want to believe this so it's true!"

Or how about this...some reasons not based on your desire to shelter your kid absolutely from everything bad about the world? You talk about teaching them to learn, grow, and flourish, how about teaching them to handle difficult situations?

Until then, I think most people reading this are unmoved, and their kids are staying right where they are.

Crazy Women Fundies are Big Fans of War

Remember that crazed, unshaven, robe-wearing, rabble-rousing hippie? You know, Jesus? The guy who preached peace, love, tolerance, and turning the other cheek?

Well, apparently he's passé. Move over, peace-loving Jesus! It's time for Big, Angry Jesus!

At least, that's what Concerned Women for America seems to think Jesus is all about. That's the only reason I can think of why they hate peace so much. Their latest diatribe, reposted at OneNewsNow, in an article by Chad Groening, shows just how misguided these fruitcakes are.

Now, before we get started, what, exactly, is this Law of the Sea Treaty? Well, for one thing, it doesn't exist. You see, "Law of the Sea Treaty" is what the fundies call it because they don't like it, and they can make it into the acronym "LOST." As in "Those who support this idea are completely LOST." (But having no relation whatsoever to a certain trademarked TV show that takes place on an island out at sea!)

For you normal people, it's the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea. The Wikipedia article has more information, but essentially, it's a treaty dictating what each country is allowed to do where in the ocean. It governs warfare, environmental impact, international trade, and diplomacy, all with an eye toward peaceful resolutions of interstate conflict. The treaty creates an International Tribunal for the Law of the Sea in order to mediate conflicts.

Okay, ready? Back to the fundies:

The United States' largest public policy women's organization is urging citizens to contact their senators and urge them to reject the ratification of the U.N. Law of the Sea Treaty, which they believe would result in a serious loss of American sovereignty.

Yeah, ain't that a bitch? When a country has to give up some of its sovereignty for world peace. The fundies are advocating what is basically playground justice: We're gonna play by MY rules, and if you don't like it, I'm taking my ball and going home!

CWA: When schoolyard bullies who don't want to grow up.

Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America, says thanks to pressure from high-ranking U.S. Navy officials, the Law of the Sea Treaty (LOST) could come to a vote in the Senate at any time. She believes if LOST is ratified, the U.S. would give up its sovereignty to un-elected international officials.

Again with the "un-elected" crap. Why is it that being elected is basically these people's equivalent to "worth listening to?" Does this mean that if Obama wins the presidency, Wendy Wright will just shut up and do everything he says?

"These international bodies like the U.N. are made up of representatives of dictatorships and tyrannies, and they far outnumber the United States," she warns.

Yes. There are, in fact, more dictatorships than one, in the world. Congratulations, Ms. Fundie, you can do math.

"And so if it comes down to just a pure vote, the U.S. is most likely to lose out."

Okay, first let's ignore two simple premises: 1) That dictatorships sometimes ally with the US if it's good for them and 2) That there are other countries who may vote in agreement with us.

But honestly, what point are you trying to make here, Wendy? Yes, there are people in the world you need to work with, even if you don't like them. I'm sorry you don't like it, but that's life. Now would you like to put on your big-girl underoos and try to pretend like you're an adult?

She says the treaty, if ratified, would give those international bodies the right to tax Americans. And that concept, says Wright, would essentially result in taxation without representation -- something she is convinced Americans would not tolerate.

Oh Christ. Yes, Wendy, signing an international treaty is the same as colonial rule. I think I hear the founding fathers spinning in their graves over you invoking their mantras.

Here's what Wendy is talking about. From Wikipedia again:

Part XI of the Convention provides for a regime relating to minerals on the seabed outside any state's territorial waters or EEZ. It establishes an International Seabed Authority (ISA) to authorize seabed exploration and mining and collect and distribute the seabed mining royalty.

...

The license fees and taxes levied on economic activities in the deep seabed area by the ISA would be, in effect, a form of 'taxation without representation'. Citizens would be indirectly taxed through business and governmental activities in the area.

So certain fees would have to be levied for patently ridiculous policies like, you know, maintaining the stability of the world economy. Idiot.

Wright says the Navy appears to be buying into the idea of "lawfare" over warfare. She argues that the Navy appears to want to resolve conflicts "through the law or through these international bodies" rather than asserting U.S. sovereignty and trusting "the strength of our own military."

What? Oh no! That's even worse! Not only do those crazy libruls want to maintain a worldwide financial balance, they want to prevent World War III! Why, don't they know that conflict should just be solved by who has the biggest guns?

It's so simple, I don't know why I didn't think of it before:

1. I feel I'm right.
2. If you disagree with me, I'll kill you.
3. I'm right.

Wendy Wright's bumper sticker probably says "WWJA: Who Would Jesus Annihilate?"

The conservative leader is calling for concerned citizens to not only contact their senators and urge them to vote against the Law of the Sea Treaty, but contact their House members and encourage them to sign an open letter to the U.S. Senate urging senators to vote against ratification.

You and your "concerned citizens" have the right to say whatever you want. But I have the same right to call you all a bunch of warmongering freaks. And I am.

Ben Stein Can Suck It

Or rather, Ben Stein just sucks. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Ben's movie, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed now has an aggregate rating at Rotten Tomatoes. The consensus? It thus far has earned an amazing, stupendous, standing ovation-worthy, whopping...

9%

That's right. Nine percent. 9 out of 100.

Here's a listing of movies that scored higher than Ben Stein's circle-jerking crapfest: Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo (11%), Freddy Got Fingered (10%), I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (14%), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (10%), The Santa Clause 3: Escape Clause (13%), and of course, Catwoman (10%).

I was going to include Mortal Kombat, but at 24%, it seemed it would be insulting to put such a well-regarded movie in with this bunch of turds. Yes, you read that score correctly. Ben Stein's creationist drek isn't even half as good as Mortal Kombat.

Here are some quotes from critics at Rotten Tomatoes:

"Stein claims to denounce the tyranny of dogma, then browbeats us with his own." -Rafer Guzman, Newsday

"This is propaganda, a political rant disguised as a serious commentary on stifled freedom of inquiry." -Claudia Puig, USA Today

"Stein's credibility is blown on this poorly constructed diatribe, and you'd be smart to save your bucks." -Matt Stephens, E! Online

"One of the sleaziest documentaries to arrive in a very long time, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed is a conspiracy-theory rant masquerading as investigative inquiry." -Jeannette Catsoulis, The New York Times

And, of course, my favorite:

"The prospect of a pro-Intelligent Design documentary sounded so batsh** crazy,it had to be awesome, watching intellectuals spin a story about how they're persecuted for their beliefs.Not to say I didn't give it a fair chance,but they made it really easy." -Fred Topel, Can Magazine

So way to go, Ben. You've really outdone yourself this time.

Late Edit, 4/20: We now have box-office numbers for the weekend. Expelled closed almost at the bottom of the Top 10 (number 9, to be exact, which goes along nicely with its 9% rating), and earned a paltry $3.15 million, even though it was shown in 1,052 theaters nationwide! The only movie in the top ten to do worse than Expelled was Leatherheads, which is in its third week, but still pulled in $3 million, just shy of Expelled. (Okay, but let's be fair: Leatherheads was shown on 2,798 screens.)

Only three other movies opened this week and made less money than Ben Stein: Where in the World is Osama bin Laden, opening on 102 screens, Pathology, which was shown in 46 places, and Anamorph, which was only played in one movie house in Milwaukee (and earned more than Expelled per theater!)

One final, amusing note: Right above Expelled is the #8 movie in America, which is still holding its place despite having been in theaters a whopping six weeks. The name? Horton Hears a Who.

Porn Doesn't Support Our Troops

I'm sure we're all pretty much on the same page here with this war in Iraq. It was poorly-conceived, poorly-executed, and poorly supported. Our troops over there risk their lives daily in this war that was built on lies by a president who has no idea what he was doing, and doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about them. Oh well, they may not have our money, but at least they have our tax-supported prayers.

Wait, what's this? I'm getting a special news bulletin, direct from the Traditional Values Coalition! Apparently, poor funding, endless rotations, and the disgust of the entire world are not the soldiers' biggest problem. The biggest challenge facing our troops today is...

Porn. Yes, that's right. Porn. The troops' gravest concern is naked boobies!

Thank you, Traditional Values Coalition, for uncovering this monumental, ground-breaking, hard-hitting news bulletin! For more, we go to our fundie on the ground. Or with his head in the ground, I don't know which.

A newly-elected legislator from Georgia leads the charge against degrading pornography impacting troop morale.

"Troop morale?" That's what you have going for this? Troop morale? You don't think maybe being lied to by your government and being forced to spend two or three extra years in a desert war zone might have something to do with low morale? Nah, that's crazy talk, it's gotta be the porn!

Congressman Paul Broun has just introduced the Military Honor & Decency Act (H.R. 5821) in the House of Representatives, according to TVC Chairman Rev. Louis P. Sheldon.

Ah, the military Honor and Decency Act! Well, that can't be bad, can it? That's probably to punish soldiers who torture children and throw puppies off cliffs, right?

Oh, no wait, I'm sorry, ha ha! Why would Congress care about that shit? We've got PORN problems!

“At a time when most freshmen legislators are still learning how to find their committee rooms and their way around Congress, Rep. Paul Broun is aggressively working to protect our troops from the degrading influences of pornography on military bases,” said Rev. Sheldon. “His bill is an important step in closing a loophole in the law that permits vile pornography to be sold on military bases.”

What, exactly, constitutes "vile" pornography, Shelly? How is it different from the regular kind? Of course, maybe I should cut you some slack since the last time you saw a naked lady, you had to get through a hoop skirt and a pair of pantalettes.

The Military Honor & Decency Act will tighten up definitions of what constitutes pornographic material and will require that the Department of Defense conduct an annual review of materials to make certain that American soldiers are not being sold sexually explicit magazines on base.

Well, that, I'm sure, is a fantastically worthwhile use of taxpayers' money. Almost as good as forming a Presidential Prayer Team!

“Pornography is a degrading influence upon men and women,” said Rev. Sheldon. “A person who becomes addicted to pornography eventually acts out his sexual fantasies and this can have a devastating impact their families, troop morale, and unit cohesion.

Oh, hang on a sec, folks. I'm looking through the good reverend's Wikipedia biography to see where he got his degree in psychology. Now, this'll only take a second...

The military has an obligation to maintain the highest standards of honor, decency and discipline.

And we do that, apparently, by treating them like children. Or prisoners, take your pick.

Hang on again, I'm still looking to see where Louie here is qualified to make decisions about organizational behavior.

Rep. Broun is a former Marine and Naval officer who understands the importance of honor, decency and discipline within the military. As Broun has observed:

I am deeply concerned for the welfare of our troops and their mission. Allowing the sale of pornography on military bases has harmed military men and women by escalating the number of violent, sexual crimes, feeding a base addiction, further eroding the family as the primary building block of society, and denigrating the moral standing of our troops both here and abroad.

Hm, well, Broun is a doctor, so I guess he'd know. Well, not a doctor of psychology, or sociology, or any other field that has anything to do with how the brain works. But he is the kind who makes housecalls.

By the way: real mental health professionals think you're both full of shit.

Our troops should not see their honor sullied so that the moguls behind magazines like Playboy and Penthouse can profit. The “Military Honor and Decency Act” will right a bureaucratic – and moral – wrong.”

Who gets to decide what's "morally wrong?" I hope not you, Louie, because I'm willing to be most Americans have some serious misgivings about your ideas of morality.

A bill to ban sexually explicit pornography on military bases was passed by Congress in 1996. However, members of the DoD Resale Activities Board of Review (RABR) have ruled that magazines like Playboy and Penthouse are not “sexually explicit” because these magazines also contain articles – not just nude photos.

“This is an absurd position to take,” said Rev. Sheldon.

What is, the idea that we should ban legal material from consenting adults, or that only some types of legal pornography are okay?

“If these magazines aren’t sexually explicit, nothing is.

Oh. Never mind.

Clearly, someone in the Department of Defense wants to keep pornography readily available to our troops. This violates the intent of Congress in 1996 -- and Rep. Broun’s bill will fix the problem. Rep. Broun deserves high praise for his efforts.”

I hope Shelly and the Congressman here are enjoying their little mano-a-mano circle jerk. (Of course, you know they're not looking at porn while they're doing it).

But while we're at it, why don't we take away the soldiers' alcohol? After all, that leads to DWIs, domestic violence, the Apocalypse... And how about their sports equipment, too? You know, wouldn't want anyone to get injured. We'll also have to throw out their weapons, of course, cuz someone might put an eye out.

Or maybe we could shut the fundies up and let soldiers have their girly magazines? I hardly think after what this government is putting them through, seeing naked boobs is going to be their biggest problem.

New Link

Meet Paradox, the newest member of my Big Blog Boyz. He writes Creationist Lies, a site that debunks Creationism from the viewpoint of a guy who believes in God and self-identifies as a Christian. Hopefully, this guy will get through to the numskulls better than we have.

Anyway, you can click on the link above or find him forever enshrined in my Wall o' Fame.